Yep, that about sums it, and me, up

THE RULES OF RURAL ILLINOS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

Listen up City Slickers !

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
   
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
   
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
   
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it.
   
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
   
6. Every person in rural Illinois waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
   
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
   
8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at Jim's bait shop.
   
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
   
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
    
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
    
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah .... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
    
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
    
14. You bring ' Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
    
15. College and high school football are as important here as the Bears and the Rams, and more fun to watch.
    
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
    
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
    
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
    
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
    
20. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska . Worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day.
    
21. By the way .... if you want to talk to God in ILLINOS , it's a local call.
    

It's official, I'm an indangered spiecies

This report from the Independent in the U.K. discusses how chemicals are feminizing men. I'm here to start a men's movement! Time to take back our, well, uh, stuff!

OK, two more that I like

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president.
Theodore Roosevelt

To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, right or wrong - is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
Theodore Roosevelt

Quotes attributed to TR

From The Quotations Page.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.
Theodore Roosevelt

Take heart parents of Asperger's kids

Enjoy this article from Business Week about Bram Cohen; founder of BitTorrent who is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrom.

A precient article from 1994

Here's an article from CNN Money predicting problems with derivatives. The original date suggest it predates LTCM and certainly today's mess.

Doesn't get much wierder than this

No comment required, just click and read this story from Yahoo.

This image is drawn from NASA's Image of the day. It's an avalanche on Mars.

Amazing Images

Check out NASAs Earth Observatory for some amazing photographs. I went there to look at some satellite images of the fires but was drawn in by all the photographs. It's worth a few minutes to look around. While you are there, check out this primer on Global Warming.

So, you don't believe my comments about city slickers?

Here's a snippet of text from the "safety alert" system where I work:

"Avoid taking money out of your
wallet in the street, train, or bus.

Use discretion when walking or
talking with strangers.

Do not use headphones while
walking; they make you vulnerable to criminal intent."

OK, I admit it's all solid advice but, is this anyway to live? Why should adults live in fear of talking to each other?

You might be a city-slicker

I've been thinking about life in the city for a while now. I grew up rural, moving to Chicago after college to "start my career." That was 16 years ago now. So, with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy here's my take on city life.

If you purchased a SUV with low-profile tires and spinning hub caps...you might be a city slicker.

If you purchased a SUV in a light color because it doesn't show dirt...you might be a city slicker.

If you drive across more than 2 lanes of of on-coming traffic to make a right-hand turn...you might be a city slicker.

If you believe honking your horn will clear a traffic jam...you might be a city slicker.

If you can stand at the intersection of two roads that have four different names and understand why...you might be a city slicker.

If somebody asks you how far away something is and you respond in minutes...you might be a city slicker.

If you believe a 3" pen knife poses a threat to society...you might be a city slicker.

If you eat meat but have never killed or cleaned your supper...you might be a city slicker.

If I have to explain to you that supper is the evening meal...you might be a city slicker.

If I have to explain what it means to "clean" your supper...you might be a city slicker.

If you've ever been told "if somebody walking toward you makes you uncomfortable, cross to the other side of the street"...you might be a city slicker.

If you believe gun-control laws will actually control unlawful users of guns...you might be a city slicker.

If you believe that plating and ambience can turn a $5 steak into a $50 meal...you might be a city slicker.

If you believe stopping behind a car that's stopped at a four-way gives you the right to go through the intersection...you might be a city slicker.

U-Haul sucks

I drive a Ford Explorer. Well, ok, technically it's my wife's vehicle but I'm going to be using it a bit this summer. We have a need to pull a small trailer this summer to haul around some Boy Scouts and their equipment. ( Just for claraity, only the equipment will be in the trailer. The boys will be in the truck.) Our troop doesn't have the money to purchase a trailer so we figured we'd go rent one for the week.

So, my loving wife calls the local U-Haul place to get a reservation. After she describes what she wants the guy on the other end of the phone tells her U-Haul doesn't rent to people who use Ford Explorers as the tow vehicle. WHAT???

I did a little research and apparently when people were running their Firestone tires flat on their Explorers, blowing them out and causing rollovers U-Haul decided to stop renting to Explorer owners. Never mind that you can rent if you are driving a Mercury. WHAT???

Anyway, U-Haul just lost what business I give them.

Has it really been a year!?!?!?!?!?

Well, hard as it may seem, it has been almost a year since I posted anything to this blog. Since I haven't had an email pummelling I assume it's because nobody is reading this drivel but me. But, that's ok.

I've added a couple new links. We recently joined a UCC church in Yorkville so I've added links to http://www.ucc.org (the main denominational web site)and http://www.yorkville-ucc.org (my church web site). I also added a link to http://www.biggsville-upc.org which is the Church in which I grew up.

Since we got back from Disney last spring my life has been over run with a new job, scouting, and rediscovering (or at least attempting to rediscover) my faith. It promises to be an interesting journey.

I want my cake.....

BBC NEWS | Business | Europe biofuel plans under fire

This story is disturbing on many fronts.

First, the Europeans are at least making an effort to ease their dependence on fossile fuels. Bravo! And while I appreciate the arguments of Mr. Lynas does he not realize that the failure to accept small victories leads to certain defeat?

Second, why does Ethanol make up 20% of Brazil's fuel consumption and it's hardly used in the U.S.? Could it be that Brazil's government realize it's better to support their farmers by creating a market instead of creating subsidies?

Merry Christmas!

Volunteerism

Last fall I volunteered to help out with my son's Cub Scout pack. Little did I realize that by volunteering I was to become the Cubmaster. You think after having volunteered for the Navy I'd know better.

As part of my work with the Cub Scouts over the last 9 or 10 months I've meet a lot of parents and concerned citizens. However, it has come to my attention that the leadership of all of the civic groups in my small town is the same.

Now somebody is going to tell me "yeah, it's Pareto." 80% of progress comes from 20% of doers. I know, I'm being naive and this is nothing new. It is however a curious thing that people complain about the doers but can't get off their butts to contribute. Which leads me to one of my favorite quotes:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

President Theodore Roosevelt (http://www.theodoreroosevelt.org/life/quotes.htm)

An overhead conversation

Well, it's been many months since my last posting. I wanted to share a few things from my summer.

I had the opportunity to take my son to speech therapy a few weeks back. It was shortly after the bombings in London. We had an hour break between sessions so we went to McDonald's for some father-son bonding, and dinner. While there, two young ladies came along and sat at a table beside us. Their "conversation" went something like this:

Blonde1: Did you hear about London?
Blonde2: Yeah, are you going to the dance?
Blonde1: Yeah, did you see what she was wearing?
Blonde2: Yeah,.....

They talked for about 20 minutes on 20 topics, no one topic given any more thought than a single question. There wasn't a statement or response during the whole "conversation."

Am I getting old or is our society doomed?
Yeah, but did you see what your boss was wearing today?.......